The Endless Love Cycle.

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Do you ever get that feeling when you’re too in love to let it go? When you try everything to get over that certain person but you just can’t?
What do you do when you know something’s bad for you and you still can’t let go? When the person you’re so in love with is already in love with someone else.
Whenever you try to make it through your life, there they are, pulling you back and giving you something to hold on to.
It’s funny how one tries to move on but at the same time, there’s that part that refuses to let go.
Me? Yeah, I keep going back to the one thing I need to walk away from.
And the only way I’ve ever succeeded in getting over someone who stole my heart is by taking it back and giving it to someone else. That’s basically how my love life goes.. I fall in love. And when I love, I love hard. I try everything to get away, to let go and move on.. Try my best to give up but instead, I find myself just giving in more and more.
Then the only way that’s ever worked is by falling in love with someone else, and I love them even more than the previous ones. *except for my two-year-love*
That, everybody, is my endless love cycle..

It all began when I started to have feelings for my best friend, these feelings increased everyday. For Two Years, I haven’t seen any other perfect man than him. He was more like everything in my life. I’ve NEVER loved anyone like I’ve loved him. But, people just don’t appreciate anything. And when they do, it’s too late.
If you’re guessing how I got over him? Well, I didn’t just get over him.. I lost him as well.
Now, we barely even talk since he moved to another school.
Here comes the guy after him, the only reason I got my heart back but that one did steal it too. He’s the guy in my previous post ‘Moulicious’
After 8 months of loving him, we drifted apart and I fell in love with another guy, ‘O’.. That one was the last person I’d ever think I’d fall in love with. He’s been my best friend for too long and at the start of our friendship, he had feelings for me.. He even asked me to be his girlfriend but I said no as he was a player and I hated players more that anything..
Then, last March, feelings changed.
I didn’t realize how a perfect person he was and I didn’t appreciate him until we switched places. Yeah, I started loving him when he’s already moved on and found someone else. But guess what? I told him! We were so close, we could never hide a secret from each other.
As Eminem once said ‘They don’t want you, as soon as they do.. Feelings change’
Let me show you a part about him in my diary..

1st June. 3:30 AM
Dear Diary, I don’t know if I really love him or not.. I don’t even know if it’s right.
He’s currently in a relationship so that’s totally nonsense.. But, one can’t control their feelings, right?
I remembered tons and tons of amazing memories we had throughout our whole friendship. Damn, we could’ve made a great couple.
I remember that time at the beginning of our friendship when we were SO close. We talked every second of everyday. I used to charge my credit just to have the chance to talk to him the whole day.
Know what diary? He’s one of the best guys ever born. That type of guy who would do ANYTHING literally anything just to see you smile. He would always be the first to come and catch you before you hit the ground.
I may not be the perfect friend for him as I never succeed in cheering him up or whatever but no one would ever understand how hard I try to see him smile too.
We might have drifted apart sometime.. I have no idea why but, I was the one who walked away and I really regret that.
but gladly, here comes the day when we gained each other back.. When I saw him accidentally in marina. Since that day, we became close.. Even closer than before.
I regained a treasure! I’ve learned my lesson and I promised myself to never drift away again.
When school started we weren’t actually that close but here comes the thing that brought us together once again..
When his father passed away.
Losing one of the closest people you know is the hardest thing that’s why I had to be beside him to make him feel safe and that he lost a loved one but still have others who truly care.
We had those perfect chats which I reread every once in a while.. And, they all draw a huge smile on my face each and everytime I read them.
I might not be like the other girls he knows.. I don’t see him much. But, I do try my best and I remember each and everyday I saw him in details.
Every time I see him I feel like I want to hug him tight and never let go..
We do have our downs.. We tease each other and fight but we do know our way back to each other.
He’s so hard to hold but I can’t let go.
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be.

I guess you now know how much I’ve loved him..
Did I get over him? Yeap.. Here comes what I call a miracle, Y.
Y is the one I’m in love with right now.. You’ll know more about him in my coming posts, that one is too long already.

Do I like how it’s all going on? That endless love cycle that keeps on chasing me.. I don’t actually want any of this, it sucks.
Nevertheless, I fail at controlling my feelings and moving on.
-FH

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