The Everlasting Hope.

Heart breaks, broken promises, flawless memories, ups and downs, best of times and worst.
People are different.. Totally different.
Some are the strong, independent type.. Some are the weak, broken ones always looking back to the good old times.
Some are the careless type and some are the emotionless ones.
Some are the mean kind who find their joy in manipulating others and some are those others who are being manipulated..
Some are those who are experts in faking smiles and others who are professionals at wearing masks.

Well, to tell you the truth.. I’m not only weak, strong, ambitious or whatever..
I’m a mixture of types that I, myself, sometimes do not understand.
But if we’d talk precisely, I’m the weak one.
I rely big time on promises even though I know they’ll one day be broken. I always over think, I’m stuck in the thoughts of what could have been. I give too much, expect too much and consequently, I lose too much.
I get too attached and trust people with my life.
I never learn from my mistakes and when I get hurt, I repeat it all over again with someone else even though I know how it’s going to end.
I’m always stuck in the past, rewinding those perfect memories over and over again in my head to the extent that I waste all the time I could’ve used to make new, better ones.
Overlooking all those cons, I have some perfect pros too.. I never lose hope neither do I give up on the ones I truly love. I always try harder than before even if I fall, I rise again and give it another try.
When I love, I love really hard..

She’s fell in love a zillion times but she always knew that some day she’d meet her prince charming. The one who’d make it up for her and show her what real love really is.. if she’d compare, She hasn’t loved anyone like she loved that guy. The one she got in a relationship with. For some time, she really thought they were infinite. Everyone would look at them and be amazed of how perfect they are.
From the beginning, the day his eyes caught hers, they both never wanted to glance away. Ever again.
They fell in love harder and harder everyday, they even started including one another in each other’s future.
But it’s true that all good things come to an end.. They no longer have each other but in her heart, he’ll always stay.
The day they both met, still frozen in her head.. Whenever she’d see his face or hear his voice, a million of unforgettable memories would cross her mind. She’d tear up a little and sometimes she would just burst into tears. If only he knew how much she misses him..
All her friends keep begging her to give up on him but she was also told to never give up on her dreams and he’s by far, the biggest and hardest dream she had ever known.
She shouldn’t blame them though.. They would never understand as no one has ever loved him the same way she did.
Every time she sees his beautiful, angelic smile, there’s a part of her that can’t bear to let him go just yet. She knows there’s more to their story, she knows they didn’t just end every perfect thing they once had for good.
Through the 139 days they’ve been together, he’s always given her all those second chances, presented like a gift. In the end though, seems like she was one short.
The day he left, she felt unsafe and insecure.. She’s lost a huge part of her that she can never get back.
If she’d have one wish, she’d only wish for a second chance, a do over, to relive those remarkable days they’ve been through, love him right and make it last.
She still remembers the first I love you he’d told her. She still remembers the first time he held her hand. She still remembers the silly fights they’ve been through and how they used to irritate each other but eventually fall back together as perfect as never before.
Whenever she starts thinking about moving on just like he did, a voice pops in her head and reminds her of all the smiles he drew on her face, of the way he insanely loved her, of the way he made her happy when everyone else failed.
And the worst thing of all is that he was once hers and she was all his.
She still has hope that one day God would bring them back to each other.. But she’s building hope with no solid ground underneath and she’s fooling no one but herself.
But the thing is.. It’s hard to let go of that fairytale entirely, cause almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day, they will open their eyes and it will all come true.
But at the end of each day, she realizes that she’s holding on to something that doesn’t exist anymore. And it all comes down to the moment she gets back home, closes her bedroom’s door, turn off the lights, lay in bed under her blanket, hugging his shirt, the one with his perfume still lingering there and starts to cry her face off.
Sometimes she cries so hard, she can hardly take her breath..
She fakes some smiles that would get her through the day. She fake smiles to avoid herself from people asking her what’s wrong, cause if they did, her eyes would tear up and she would break down.
no one hears her hiccuping sobs and her loud sniffles, no one sees the tears rushing through her face and her eyes beginning to become as red as blood.
And if anyone did, what’s she going to gain? She’d gain company. Company out of sympathy.
Furthermore, she knows quite well that no one could mend her broken heart except him..
And as the great Paulo Coelho once said ‘if there is any possible consolation in losing someone we love, it’s the necessary hope that perhaps, it was for the best’

Strong, emotionless, careless..? Yeah, I do wish I was that type.. But as mentioned before, people.. They’re totally different.
-FH

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