In Fall, we fall.

I don’t do pumpkin spice lattes but I do pumpkin pies. I don’t celebrate halloween but I like dressing up. I am not a fan of the color orange but then comes Autumn..

Everything about it feels quite different. You wake up differently. The smell of the air isn’t the same, smells like scented candles everywhere. You go downstairs for your breakfast; marshmallow-ed hot choco (yesss, I stuff my drink entirely with marshmallows & nope you’re never too old for that) and cereals! What’s better, right?
Going out in the early morning has to be my favorite part. Right when you open the door you feel the cold wind hitting you like needles in your face. You feel how soft the jacket goes against your skin as you pull it on. There’s something about the blurriness in the atmosphere that makes everyone so calm. Seriously though, nobody can be sad when they have the chance to step on crunchy leaves. I know I won’t and I bet you won’t either. Gold and brown leaves all over in the trees, on the ground and over you.
Right when you are done with looking at the ground take a glimpse at people’s faces. Everyone looks mysterious! Maybe its a weather thing but that has to be my favorite thing about Autumn; you won’t often find anyone sad. Seems like they’re at peace with their lives even if its just for a moment. Because let’s keep it real its sweater season!! When you can actually look fashionable but still comfortable. Everybody loves it.

People wait all year for summer to fall in love, all year for winter to dance in the rain but Fall remains puzzling. Everyone has this weird part inside them. So thats how we personally connect to Autumn. Its uncertainty flashes with our own to make something new and unique! So get prepared to see how this season treats you.


I am becoming Art.

I can be a breathtaking masterpiece on a canvas, or just simply a reckless thought in the mind of a dreamer.
I tend to exist in countless ways around you in every corner.
I can be the effortless road that’ll guide you to your own isolated wonderland, a place you’ll always want to escape to, away from reality.
I am the safe place of many terrified and lost souls, and I am the soothing inspiration of many passionate ones.
Get to know me, come closer, and I’ll help you get out of your shadow. I’ll help you discover potentials you didn’t even know you had within yourself. I’ll make you feel like you belong.

You can see my reflection in different kinds of wanderers here and there.
You can see me in the lenses of dauntless photographers as they capture their fascinating silhouettes.
I am the melody that hits a chord inside of everyone and the track they play over and over again.
I am the ink poured down on paper and the colors illustrated on a beautiful art piece.
Humans love discovering my every layer and every kind, they say I’m bottomless.
Paintbrushes are swords on a battlefield and the painter’s the warrior. I don’t just exist in a Mona lisa or a painting by Van Gogh, I also happen to exist in the moves of a dancer’s body or in the ambition of an eight year old child.
You can find me in anyplace, at anytime pampering your thoughts and indulging you into my muses.
I’m the crack of light on a dark, dull day.
Many people may find me a waste of time, but once they get to know me, I’ll dive deeper into their twisted souls and they might even feel bad about not giving into me sooner.

Come find me, it’s a free roller coaster ride. And once you hop on, I swear you’ll feel infinite.



Most people dream about going back in time and changing a grievous memory,
Having a second chance to undo a certain bitter regret in their past, but Katherine Herald wasn’t ordinary, she wanted to turn back the hands of time to reverse one of the best moments of her life.

Rainy days used to be Katherine’s favorites, rain always made her feel relieved and at ease when in doubt, it used to snitch her fears and her soul-wrecking thoughts away and stitch every scar she had, physically and also emotionally.
But today, on a rainy sunday, the clouds are not the only ones pouring tears.
Katherine sits hopelessly on her window seat hugging her knees to her chest, not feeling the happiness and relief rain offered her anymore. Might as she try to avoid it, her mind always kept pulling her back to the sweetest memory she ever had, the memory that used to send shivers down her spine, now it only ignites the fire that she’s trying so hard to keep unburning inside of her.
She tries to force her eyes to shut thinking that would help block away her memories, but that only makes her reminisce the things that she wants to unremember most.

So then she starts to enter her own world of flashbacks.. Nearly five years ago, on a winter’s night, the rain was pouring heavily on the heads of people, but it had a different impact on two 18 year olds, a guy and a girl who felt the rain wash away their pain.
Like many reckless, lonely souls, Katherine and Damien met on the drizzly sidewalks, soaked in raindrops, and that’s where their love started to blossom.

Ever since that day, their love started growing exponentially.
He made her happy in ways she didn’t even think were possible.
They grew closer over days, weeks, months and years, till one day, he lost his feelings of love for her and left.
He left her with nothing but suffocating memories and an aching heart.
Now, all Katherine wants is to go back in time to that rainy, cold night, and unmeet Damien.. Cause it was such an empty feeling knowing that her name no longer made his heart skip a beat, when days earlier, it made it rhythmically pound so hard, he almost felt it getting out of his chest.
Yes, Damien was the best part of her life, in fact, he was the only one she had, but the pain she felt the day he told her goodbye, was a hundred times bigger than the happiness he made her feel before.


The Great Love.

What we have is a great love, no matter how things might try pulling us apart, we somehow always find our way back to each other. It feels like we were destined for each other, like God finally showed us that we both did a lot of waiting for this love, like we lost too many people for this love, like we spent all those sleepless, cold nights, with bitter sweet memories haunting us for this love.
This love made me breathe once again, it made me feel alive.
This love compensated for all the loss I’ve faced and all the times I’d had my heart broken.
This love gave me endless hope and bottomless happiness. The kind of happiness that one can only feel with their lover and no one else.
This love replaced every suicidal thought with a better tomorrow.
Though this love is not bound to last, it will affect us. It will leave a gigantic mark that will never fade away no matter how many days pass by. This kind of love is hard to get over and even harder to let go of. How can someone ever let go of something that gives them a reason for living?
This love can be as dazzling as a heaven can be and as painful as a hell can be.
This love is the only thing worth holding on to.
This love is the only thing worth fighting for.

In my darkest times, he’s the crack of light that improves my vision and brightens my days.
He’s the one I can relentlessly rely on in times of need.
He’s the hope I find in every struggle and the happiness I find in every moment of joy.
He’s the one I’d hate the most and at the same time love the most.
He’s my safe place.. And when I’m crestfallen and I can hardly see any hope in anything or anyone around me, and I need to think of a happy place to make me feel better, the thought of him immediately pops into my mind.

He’s the one whose glare can penetrate through all the fake smiles I try to put on, see behind them all and know that something isn’t right.
He’s the one who tries too hard to make me happy, even if it’d cost him his life.
He’s the one who can make me feel so good about myself and at other times, really bad about myself.

What we have is quite complex.
It’s hate and love, rage and passion, disgust and admiration, all at once

So what do you do when you lose a great love? Cause I’ve had a great love and now it’s gone..


To My Beloved; John Green.

To my beloved John Green,

I don’t know from where to begin.. I’ve just finished reading The Fault in Our Stars and believe me, I think I left a huge part of myself in that book. Not only did I weep while reading your magnificent words, but I also deeply felt each and every sentence you’ve written.
I’d like to quote you.. ‘The author, Peter Van Houten, seemed to understand me in weird and impossible ways’ but I’d replace Peter Van Houten with you, John Green. Okay first, I’m not a cancer patient nor a survivor.. Neither do I have any close connection with a cancer fellow, but trust me, you really got me hanging on every word you said. You got me so attached to the book in so many ways, to the characters too. Not just Augustus Waters or Hazel Grace but even to Isaac and Peter Van Houten. I can briefly say, you made every character feel like family. Even though it just took me two days to finish the whole book, while reading the last sentence, it almost felt like I’ve been reading this book for so long that I don’t want it to end cause then I’ll have to let it go.
The moment I finished that exquisite book, I started imagining the rest of the story just like you’ve taught us in the book. How Hazel never gave up on finding out the rest of Anna’s story in An Imperial Affliction.
Personally, I’ve always dreamt of becoming a doctor to help patients, mainly cancer fighters. After finishing TFIOS, I can honestly say I want to be the one to find the perfect cure for cancer. And if I ever did, I’ll dedicate it to you, John Green. Only you.

Bless you, John Green for writing such an extraordinary book, but screw you for leading us to get intensively attached to Augustus Waters then suddenly taking him away.

Tons of love,
An overly-attached fan.


Midnight Confessions.

I miss you. I miss talking to you day and night. I miss hearing your voice every single day. I miss hearing you say those three words everyday. I miss being yours. I miss those smiles and looks of yours.. Those ones that gave me goosebumps every single time I laid my eyes upon. I miss that feeling of us together against the whole world. I miss daydreaming with you about our future. I miss the stories we used to make up about our future kids. I miss making you happy every second of your day and I miss you making me happy too. I miss hitting your nape and making you furious cause you’d never hit your girl back. I miss teasing the shit out of you. I miss us trying to work things out every time we were falling apart. I miss feeling safe. I miss feeling special. I miss listening to our favorite songs together. I miss staring at you and I miss you staring back. I miss your flying kisses. I miss when you used to act like the protective guy. I even miss when you used to goof around. I miss knowing all your flaws and accepting you the way you are. I miss loving you more and more as each day passed by. I miss telling you everything I could never tell anyone else. I miss the surprises you always used to make me. I miss us sacrificing for each other. I miss talking to your mother. I miss talking to your sister and her friend about you too. I miss people coming out of nowhere just to tell me that they dream about attending our wedding. I miss us being infinite and bottomless I miss us sharing laughter. I miss us sharing pain and grief. I miss you.. I miss us.
I still love you, dare I say I don’t. I still love you even though I’ve been really hurt. I still love you even though you moved on, even though it’s been four months now. I still love you no matter how many times you’ve pushed me away. I still love you despite every wrong you’ve done to me. I still love you even though you now don’t at all.
I will wait. I will wait for you. I will wait for a second chance and I will wait for a do over, I just hope you’re willing to give a second chance and accept a do over.
You’re probably never going to read this nor the letter I wrote you.. We’re also probably never getting back together.
It’s not okay to drift for days and weeks and come back talking to me as if nothing ever happened, yet I forgive you. It’s not okay to lie to me when I already know the truth, yet I forgive you. It’s not okay for you to use me, it’s not okay for you to miss me then never reply at my texts, yet I do forgive you. I forgive you cause I love you.
And I will love you Aly, always.


Eternal love(2)

It’s kind of frightening that she found someone who made her happy.. Everyone who once made her happy before just left and took her happiness away. She gave him her all, he was the first person she talked to in the morning and the last one she said goodnight to before she fell asleep cause all what she really wanted was starting and ending everyday with that smile on her face. That smile that’s been missing for too long until he gently started drawing it again on those lips of hers.
But just like each and every person she had a close connection with, he left. He walked away and left her behind with their memories. He told her it was for the best but she was never convinced and so, she never gave up on him. ‘Maybe it wasn’t the fairytale but those stories weren’t real anyway. Mine was’ She said.
As days went by, she thought she’d slowly move on, but instead, she just started missing him more and more.
Everyday, her eyes would suddenly flash open from the nightmares she has about him. On some days, she’d close her eyes and try to continue that beautiful nightmare and if she failed, she’d stare at the ceiling and start imagining a bunch of little scenarios in her head.
On an ordinary wednesday, she got out that special box with the words ‘eternal love’ written all over it in his handwriting.. She opened the door to the world of bitter sweet memories and jumped inside. She started holding their photographs.. The ones at Paris ‘the city of love’ with the Eiffel Tower in the background. They were holding hands and they both seemed exquisitely happy. She stared at another photograph which showed only their mouths and chins along with the perfect dimples drawn exactly beside their curved lips. She found the photograph that gave her goose bumps, when they were together at the hospital after the terrible accident they went through. She remembered that they once survived together and they can definitely do it again despite all the circumstances that might draw them apart.
She closed the box, put it back in her closet. She headed for the door and grabbed the keys to her car. She drove all the way to his house, wrote him a letter and left it at his front porch, she knocked on his door and quickly ran away getting in her car and returning home.
To her huge surprise, the next day, she heard some foot steps on her front porch then a double knock on her door. She held the doors knob in fear, her hands were shaking. ‘Would it be him? Or has he already moved on? Does he miss me the same way I do? Or did he find someone better than me?’ She ignored the questions running through her head, took a deep breath and opened the door. It was him. With flowers in one hand and her letter in the other. He asked her to give him one more chance to make amends.
She froze in her place for a minute, just a minute that made her realize it was a mistake to write him that letter, it was a bigger mistake that she never tried letting him go. She took a deep breath and started to speak, her eyes were tearing up and she was about to scream. He tightly took her in his arms. As sweet as that felt, the butterflies in her stomach and the internal joy pump that spontaneously made her smile, she knew it was all wrong, she knew it was all a mistake.
She pushed him away and said that they cannot get back together then closed the door. He kept on knocking and ringing the bell but she never opened the door. She just laid there on the floor, behind the closed door and she started to break down.. He never knew why she rejected him when the day before, she wrote him a letter begging him to love her again. Only she knew the answer, her thoughts were wrapped in regret. ‘He left me once for no obvious reason.. What would guarantee he wouldn’t do it again?’ She wrote on a piece of paper and then put it behind his picture.

To be continued..